Why is connection so important?
We are pack, or social animals and as such, we need a sense of connection to other people.
Life is energy and connection
Everything in the natural world is connected to everything else with multiple levels of complexities and interdependence. The same applies to us. We are born into community - our family, whanau, area and community.
We learn about what it means to be human from those around us – that is why we want to learn how to walk and talk – we see those around us doing it and realise that this is what “my people” do. We learn the language of our people, we walk like them, act like them, mimic them in every way possible.
Connection is safety
Connection is about safety, it is about having a sense of belonging, a place of people and a group of people with whom you belong – with this group, you don’t need to wear a mask or pretend. You are one of us and that’s it.
How does mindfulness and self-love result in connection?
Sitting in silence and noticing the breath (or any other object of mindfulness focus) may look like isolation rather than connection, the traditional view of a serious mediator is one who lives as a hermit, isolated life somewhere far from human civilisations. That is not mindfulness is about.
Mindfulness, the way I have taught it, is about living a full, active human life. One that can only be lived in community and with others.
Mindfulness is about being fully human - knowing you will experience anger, frustration, annoyance; as well as love, peace, generosity, and kindness. All of these can only be achieved with community.
Working on mindfulness
- The first step in mindfulness is stopping. Actively stopping what you are doing and giving yourself permission to gift yourself those few precious moments of mindfulness
- It is about having volcanic determination to face your truth - that you need community, people
- It is becoming aware that isolation does not serve your needs or those around you
Sitting in silence during my practice allows me to feel what connection really feels like - even if only for a second. I get a taste of what it feels like to be whole and connected.
Bringing in self-love
- The self-love element, brings in the connection with self and begins with changing your relationship with yourself
- You begin to see you are okay to hang out with, you gift yourself the time to be with yourself in mindfulness practices
- This start is the start of creating a positive cycle of self value and comfort in your skin
Before you can truly connect with others, you need to connect with yourself.
Healing old wounds and reconnecting with self
Part of reconnecting entails healing the wounds of the pain that led to the disconnect and isolation.
Healing the wounds is recognising what happened, how, what was your role, etc. This can be done in mindfulness, but I have found that it is more effectively done in therapy, I use mindfulness as a therapy tool because it helps with grounding, a sense of safety and knowing one can face difficulties without being overwhelmed by it.
Connection, self-love, mindfulness
Once you have started working on reconnecting to self, you are able to connect with others in a different way to previously.
In learning how to connect with yourself with self-love, you will be able to set firm and loving boundaries with others on how they can and should treat you. What you will accept and what behaviours you will not tolerate. In this way, you come out from your self-imposed isolation stronger, more self-assured and confident. There is still work to do as life is constantly evolving and changing.
Clients with whom I have worked with often report that they used to live online, now they are living in the real world. They have real connections with people and feel safe with connecting and sharing their vulnerabilities with their loved ones. They report richer relationships. Of course, this is not a fairy tale where they lived happily ever after, but it is close to it. They still have everyday struggles and difficulties, but when we have our tribe with us, it is easier to face hear on, rather than escape or pretend that it is not there.
If you would like to know more, please contact Bhavna.