What is Metta? (Loving Kindness Practice)
Peace, Love, Happiness and Wellbeing – something that we all want and the world is starving for. So if it is something that we all want, how come we find ourselves in the opposite situation – feeling lack of peace, unloved and unwanted, alone, miserable, dissatisfied, angry, and unwell – mentally and physically.
The loving-kindness mindfulness, called Metta – is focused on how to grow wholesome states of heart, mind and body and how to stop feeding the unwholesome states that so many of us feel trapped in.
The practice of Metta is really simple – just like traditional mindfulness practices – simple. But that does not mean easy to do. Loving kindness practice is a simple, friendly wish for yourself and others to have peace, love, happiness and wellbeing. It is not forcing this onto ourselves or others – you WILL be… it is a simple friendly wish. How easy is that….
But in order for me to be able to radiate that wish to you, I first have to fill my being with feelings of peace, love, happiness and well-being. And this is where the rubber hits the road. While doing this practice, my insecurities, lack of worth, and judgments were exposed and cleared. To allow these feelings to sit in my heart, soul, body and mind, I first had to have a sense of worth. I had to feel that I am worthy for feeling peace, love, happiness and wellbeing, despite all of my failing, my flaws, my vulnerabilities and insecurities. It was not about being perfect before I am allowed to feel peace, love, happiness and wellbeing. But about feeling these states in my current mental and physical state. Learning that the wish for peace, love, happiness and wellbeing is NOT contingent upon circumstances. Instead, it is ever-present, especially when I am in physical or emotional pain.
Just like a loving parent is more present and attentive when their child is unwell or unhappy than when their child is happily playing.
The next step was taking this simple well wishes outside myself to others.
If peace, love, happiness and wellbeing is what we all so desire how come our lives are filled with the opposites.
Two reasons:
1. Our lives are filled with what we give our time, attention and energy to. The media and all those around us are so busy feeding fear, inadequacies and separation - the us vs. them dialogue, that this so easily becomes our reality. So, our dominant discourse in life has become one where we complain, we put ourselves and others down, we don’t take ownership – everything bad or wrong is not my fault. I can always blame my parents, my upbringing, society, my culture or that one thing that happen to me for why I turned out this way.
The world that we live in really promotes division and separation. My childhood was defined by separation in the form of apartheid. But we have increased separations based on beliefs, values, language, God, colours that we wear, etc. And we and those around us, fuel messages that the “they” are bad and want to harm “us”. So we need to keep vigilant, and get rid of the Them..
In this way, I stay stuck and powerless, and this in turn fuels my feelings of insecurity and fear. So, I become more guarded and suspicious. And the cycle continues.
So the first reason is water the flowers or the weed. If you water the weeds, you get a lovely weed garden with flowers. Or like the other saying goes
Practice makes perfect – practice fear, separation, hostility, and you get really good at it. It becomes your reality.
2. It's easier. And it is easier to become angry, have righteous indignation, cut people off, etc than to truly see my heart, my role in this and to still be able to wish that person peace, love, happiness and wellbeing. This practice demand for us to be real, to be authentic and take responsibility. Things that we are scared of doing and for many people, they probably don’t even know how to do it.
It is easier for me to blank you or cut you out of my life, and in that way, I am not reminded of what happened between us and I don’t have to try to make amends or say sorry. God, how we fear saying “sorry.” And really meaning it.
Because it is easier to be angry than to feel vulnerable. Even vulnerability with ourselves feels deeply uncomfortable.
Metta is about learning how to sit with your vulnerability, being honest with yourself and seeing things about you that you did not like. But still, you are allowed to feel peace, love, happiness and wellbeing.
How to start a Loving Kindness practice
Like the saying goes, if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results. So, take a serious look at your life. Can you do with a bit more peace, love, happiness and wellbeing? If so, start with where you are and start with what is easy.
In reality, we can't start anywhere else except where we are. Generally the default is that where we are at present is not a good starting point, so I will have to wait and change until I am in the right place to start. That is bollocks. Where you are at present, is exactly the right place to start from. And likewise, now is the perfect time to start – not after Christmas, in the New Year, after school starts or whatever other date you want.
Here and now – is the best starting point.
So, start where it is easy. Generally starting with yourself, or your baby, or animals. See if just a minute a day, you can send a friendly wish to yourself that you be happy. And feel what that word feels like in your body. Feel the one part of your being that sucks that in and goes ahh finally... focus on that part.
To find out more about Metta and Self-Love, get in touch with Bhavna today.